The Last Thing On Your Mind
by Marz98
Summary: Joniss AU where Katniss is taken to the capitol with Johanna, and Peeta is chosen to be the face of the revolution in her absence. Takes place following their rescue from the capitol, probably some spoilers for Mockingjay.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Title taken from the song by Lights of the same title. I don't own anything, unfortunately, or Joniss would definitely be endgame. thanks for reading, and you can find more stuff that I've written (one-shots mostly) on my tumblr at mason-johannas.

Don't think too hard, if you think it hurts that bad  
Don't talk about it, don't let it get you down  
It's only one part, of the story  
Just let it go, don't let it bring you down now.

Sing the last thing on your mind  
The last word on your breath  
I'll be the one to keep you, I'll keep you at your best  
The last thing on your mind  
'Cause I don't need your mess  
I'll be the one to keep you one disaster less  
The Last Thing on Your Mind, Lights.

They burned her in the capitol, the sadistic bastards. They didn't kill her or disfigure her, because they needed her as bait. But what a better way to kill the spirit of the "Girl on Fire" than by literally burning it out of her. From Johanna's cell adjacent to Katniss', she had heard the other girl's whimpers and pleas for death every night. It's ironic, how they tortured one with fire and the other with water. Opposite elements, but the same amount of damage was done to both girls. Now they were safe, hypothetically, and in District 13. In Katniss' absence, they had elected Peeta to be the face of the revolution. While he was never anybody's first choice, he was charismatic and had a way with words unmatched by almost anybody else. If there was one thing that boy was good at, it was that he could convince anybody of anything with a well placed smile and some bullshitted words. It didn't feel right to anybody though. Katniss was stronger, more of a fighter, more of a symbol to the citizens of Panem. But now she was broken. And broken birds cannot fly.

Johanna was lying on her side in the hospital room that she was sharing with Katniss. They had tried to keep them separate at first, but Katniss had gotten scared of being alone and had cried and begged until they allowed the two girls to stay together. They needed each other, in a strange way. Katniss stirred in her bed and sat up, breathing heavily and sweating. Her heaving breaths calmed down slightly as Johanna reached over and grasped her hand.  
"Kat, It's okay. You're here with me. Remember? You're safe."  
They comforted each other. They were there for each other because they had to be, because in a weird, sort of fucked up way, they made each other better.  
Katniss nodded and squeezed Johanna's hand reassuringly, if albeit a little aggressively.  
Katniss had lost a lot of weight during their stay in the Capitol and they had shorn her head just as they had Johanna's. Her skin looked paper-thin and her thin frame looked like it might break as she breathed heavily. She looked sickly and her eyes, once passionate, were now more often than not dead and unexpressive. Johanna didn't like to see her like that.  
"I'm safe." Katniss repeated, staring straight ahead at the wall, blinking back tears.  
"You are. And I'm here." Johanna said, giving Katniss' hand one more squeeze before letting it fall. Katniss is crying silently. The tears are spilling from her eyes in torrents, but she doesn't make a sound, bar a small gasp every once and a while as she tries to get air into her lungs. They both do a lot of crying nowadays. Sometimes they hold each other, but more often than not the other will stare straight ahead, knowing that there's nothing, nothing they can do to help the other.  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Johanna asks after a minute, reaching for Katniss' hand again.  
Katniss shakes her head.  
"No. Not really. Sorry."  
Johanna shakes her head, giving another reassuring squeeze to Katniss' hand.  
"You've got nothing to be sorry for."  
"I know. But I'm still sorry."  
"I'm sorry too." Katniss tries to stop her but she continues.  
"Katniss this...This is all my fault. I should have gotten you out, it was my job, our mission. And I failed, just like I always do. The one time that I thought I could do something good, I went and fucked it all up. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry that this had to happen to you."  
Another strangled sob escapes Katniss.  
"It's not your fault, Johanna." she musters through her tears.  
"It's nobodies fault."  
Johanna shakes her head.  
"It's my fault. It's all my fault. I'm so fucking sorry that I couldn't save you."  
They both cry.  
Neither of them really has anything left. Katniss has her mother and Prim, but Gale has become cold and distant and talk of the district is that Peeta is seeing Delly now. Her home is gone. Her pride is gone. She had never wanted to be their Mockingjay, but it feels wrong somehow that she's not. She was the spark, but somebody else had to feed the flames. Johanna knows how it feels, to lose everything all in one go. But her pain is an old scar, while Katniss' is new, like the angry red marks that mar her fair skin. So Johanna tries to be the strong one, because Katniss needs her now, and she knows what it's like.  
Katniss sniffles from the other bed and speaks hoarsely, drawing Johanna from her thoughts.  
"I guess we're both pretty fucked up, huh?" she asks, cracking a smile that doesn't make it to her eyes. Johanna swings her legs over the side of the bed, wincing slightly as she angers her wounds. She makes it over to Katniss' bed, sliding in next to the other girl wordlessly before resting her head on the younger woman's shoulder.  
"I guess so." She closes her eyes as Katniss quietly threads her fingers between hers, swallowing a sob that threatens to escape from her throat.  
"We'll be okay though, right?"  
Johanna opens her eyes.  
"Of course we will. I'm Johanna fucking Mason. And you? Katniss Everdeen? Katniss fucking Everdeen? You're the strongest woman I know. So yeah, we're going to be okay. You know why?"  
Katniss shakes her head smiling slightly as she wipes the remaining tears from her eyes and runs a hand through her short, choppy hair.  
"Because we're better than them. Than all of them. And they'll pay for what they've done. That I'll make sure of."  
Katniss nods and squeezes her hand, her thin wrist resting gently against Johanna's. She lets out a shaky sigh and closes her eyes, her head still resting uncomfortably on Katniss' unnaturally bony shoulder.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am  
-Iris, The Goo Goo Dolls

"What was your family like?" Katniss asks one day when they're still in the hospital, biting her lip as she waits for Johanna to answer. They're both sitting in Katniss' bed, and the District 12 girl has her head resting on Johanna's shoulder.  
Johanna shrugs.  
"I had two older brothers, Charlie and Leo. They teased me a lot, but we loved each other. We used to go out into the forest and climb trees together, when they were young enough to not have to work all the time. I fell out of one once and broke my arm pretty badly. They carried me back to the house and there was all this blood? We practically gave my mother a heart attack."  
"How old were you?" Katniss asks with a small chuckle.  
"About 8 or 9, I think. You'd be amazed at how high I got in that damn tree though!"  
Johanna laughs quietly, remembering all the shenanigans that she had gotten into with her brothers.  
"And your parents?" Katniss asks quietly, slipping her hand into Johanna's. It's not romantic, necessarily, more a gesture of comfort, but Johanna enjoys it nonetheless.  
"My dad worked a lot, to provide for the family, but he loved us. He was very charismatic. I think you would have liked him." Johanna says quietly, giving Katniss' hand a gentle squeeze.  
Katniss smiles and Johanna continues.  
"My mom was a really great woman. She was strong and confident and never afraid to speak her mind. You remind me of her sometimes." Johanna finishes quietly with a sad smile.  
"What about you? Tell me about your family."  
Katniss furrows her brow.  
"You already know about my family."  
Johanna shrugs.  
"I know of your family, I don't know about them."  
Katniss nods and begins to speak.  
"My dad and I were always close, I guess. He taught me how to hunt, and how to sing. He had the most beautiful voice, and he was my favorite person in the world. When he was around, my mother was like a completely different person. But a few years ago he died in a mining accident. When he died, my mother kind of detached herself from the world. After that I basically just had to take care of Prim by myself."  
Katniss shrugs but says no more, obviously thinking about her past.  
"I'm sorry." Johanna says, reaching up to stroke Katniss' now chin-length hair. Katniss breathes in slowly, closing her eyes as Johanna tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.  
"It's okay. I have Prim still, and my mother. And you."  
Johanna nods.  
"You'll always have me, you know that, right?"  
Katniss shakily nods her head.  
"I know. And you'll always have me."  
Johanna sighs.  
"Good."  
Katniss mutters her next sentence quietly into the fabric of Johanna's hospital gown.  
"I need you."  
Johanna makes a small noise of affirmation.  
"I know. I need you too."  
And they do. They need each other, because nobody else understands. They both know what it's like to survive two Hunger Games, they both know what it's like to be tortured relentlessly for information that you can't give because you don't know it. They both know what it's like to lose everything.  
"Johanna?" Katniss asks in a small voice as she tries to contain tears that threaten to spill.  
"I never meant for any of this to happen, you know that right? I didn't mean to... to start a revolution. I just didn't want to kill him. And I wanted to protect my family. I didn't..."  
Johanna soothingly strokes Katniss' head,  
"I know Kat, it's okay."  
A sob tears through Katniss' body as she squints her eyes shut.  
"It's not okay! None of this should have happened to you. You'd already been through enough and... and the Quell was my fault and it was my fault that you were taken to the Capitol and-"  
Katniss is breathing shallowly and Johanna can tell that the other girl is on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  
"Katniss." Johanna says, grabbing Katniss semi-forcefully by the shoulders. Katniss continues to breathe erratically and Johanna knows that if she can't calm her down soon she'll have to flag down one of the District 13 nurses.  
"Katniss. Hey, breathe. Come on Kat." Johanna says softly, gripping Katniss' shaking shoulders.  
"Breathe." Katniss shakily repeats, trying to steady her breaths.  
Johanna nods.  
"Good. You've got it Kat. Just focus on your breathing, okay?"  
Katniss nods. But continues to breathe erratically, tears streaming down her face as her shoulders shake with the force of her sobs. Johanna wraps her arms around Katniss' thin frame carefully, holding her close to her body.  
"It's okay. It's okay Katniss." She soothes, rubbing circles on the girl's lower back lightly. She can't help but notice how she can feel each individual notch in the girl's spine as she rubs her hand up and down her back.  
"I'm sorry."  
Johanna shakes her head with a small smile.  
"You've really got to stop apologizing for things that aren't your fault."  
Katniss leans her head into Johanna's shoulder, her breaths still steadying out.  
"Duly noted."


End file.
